Even happily married men sometimes fantasize about what life could be like if they were single, imagining adventurous weekends with someone new. However, reality is far less glamorous. Divorce significantly impacts men, increasing the likelihood of suicide by 39 percent and generally leading to a shorter lifespan. Financially, divorce is detrimental; studies show that divorced baby boomers have less than a quarter of the wealth they might have had if they stayed married.
To help you avoid the pitfalls of a single life, we’ve compiled 25 strategies to strengthen your marriage before it’s too late.
1. Assume Positive Intentions
Identify a habit of your partner’s that you often misinterpret negatively. Psychologists refer to this as a “maladaptive attribution.” Shift your mindset to see her actions in a more positive light. Challenge yourself to go a month without saying anything negative or hurtful to your partner. Harville Hendrix, Ph. D., and Helen LaKelly Hunt, Ph. D., suggest this approach in their books on relationships. Avoid sarcasm, as Terry Real, author of “The New Rules of Marriage,” warns that it erodes intimacy. Choose your words carefully.
2. Communicate Meaningfully
A University of Denver study found that writing letters to their wives had a more profound and lasting impact on soldiers than texting. “Makeup sex” won’t resolve conflicts if underlying anger remains. Watch family therapist Michele Weiner-Davis’s TEDx talk, “The Sex-Starved Marriage,” on YouTube to reignite your connection.
3. Listen Without Fixing
Men often want to solve problems for their partners, but sometimes all she needs is to be heard, says couples therapist Shiri Cohen, Ph. D., from Harvard Medical School. Next time she vents, simply listen. If you have a solution, save it for a later conversation.
4. Exercise Together
Thomas Bradbury, Ph. D., and Benjamin Karney, Ph. D., from UCLA’s Marriage Lab, found that couples often aim to improve their health together. Their book, “Love Me Slender,” outlines how partners can support each other in maintaining healthy lifestyles. A British study supports this, showing that partners are more likely to adopt positive health behaviors together. Start with a program like the 21-Day MetaShred for a healthier lifestyle.
5. Embrace Her Imperfections
Douglas LaBier, Ph. D., advises focusing on the best qualities of your partner to strengthen her positive traits.
6. Prioritize Connection
William Doherty, Ph. D., emphasizes the importance of “connection rituals,” such as spending just 15 minutes together without interruptions. This strengthens your relationship.
7. Transform “Me” into “We”
Gary Lewandowski Jr., Ph. D., from Monmouth University, highlights the benefits of seeing yourselves as a team. Support your partner actively and constructively, especially during her successes.
8. Enjoy Shared Experiences
Ronald Rogge, Ph. D., found that watching relationship-focused movies and discussing them can be as effective as traditional marriage counseling in reducing breakup rates.
9. Share Decision-Making
Couples who feel self-determined rather than trapped are more understanding during disagreements, according to University of Houston researchers.
10. Redefine Your Relationship
Traveling to new places can redefine your relationship and rekindle passion.
11. Keep Calm During Conflicts
Lowering your voice during arguments can lead to more reasonable discussions.
12. Break Routine Together
Engaging in new and exciting activities, like taking an art class, can enhance marital satisfaction, according to Arthur Aron, Ph. D.
13. Double Date for Double Fun
Sharing new experiences with another couple can invigorate your relationship by creating shared excitement.
14. Reflect on Your Behavior
David Schnarch, Ph. D., suggests eliminating intentional annoyances to improve your relationship, as discussed in his book “Passionate Marriage.”
15. Value Shared Possessions
Jointly acquired items symbolize your bond and help create a sense of “ours” rather than “yours” and “mine.”
16. Practice Selfless Giving
In a “communal relationship,” sacrifices are gifts that benefit both partners. Avoid keeping score.
17. Please Her with Thoughtful Gestures
Harriet Lerner, Ph. D., recommends identifying three things your partner would appreciate and doing them.
18. Focus on What Matters
Don’t let daily tasks overshadow your relationship. Prioritize your marriage and remember that your well-being depends on it. Revise your to-do list to include these steps.