You might recall at least one past relationship that lasted longer than it should have. You’re not the only one: A recent study from Portugal highlights why we often remain in unhealthy relationships.
Remember the “sunk cost fallacy” from Economics 101? This concept suggests that the more time and resources you invest in something, the harder it becomes to abandon it. You believe you’re making a logical choice, but in truth, you’re too emotionally tied to realize that moving on could bring better opportunities.
This principle applies to romantic relationships as well, according to researchers. When individuals have invested significant time, money, and effort into a relationship, they tend to stay even when they’re unhappy.
In essence, couples with years together, children, or shared properties are more inclined to endure unhappiness compared to those with shorter relationships, no children, or fewer shared expenses.
The study also found that men are often more likely than women to remain in these situations. Conversely, women are more prone to initiate a divorce.
Megan Close, LMFT, a New York City-based marriage and family therapist, frequently observes this in her practice. Focusing on time and financial investments rather than emotional needs “often leads to affairs, overworking, and increased separate travel,” she explains.
It’s not about being masochistic-it’s about our social nature. “We’re all wired to be together,” Close says. Breaking a long-term bond is challenging. You’re accustomed to your partner’s presence, and those connections are significant.
If you’re uncertain about ending things, evaluate whether your attempts to improve the relationship are effective. If compromises have been made and the relationship still isn’t fulfilling, it might be time to end it. (Here are some steps to recover from a breakup quickly.)
Having a strong support system is beneficial. Consider every aspect of your life. Is your relationship the only source of dissatisfaction? “When you have great things happening at work and strong friendships, it’s easier to recognize when something doesn’t fit,” Close notes.
It’s not simple. “Staying together is the default,” Close states. Change is difficult, messy, and often painful.
However, acknowledging this and assessing your relationship honestly is the initial step. Breakups and divorces are tough, but if your reasons for staying are primarily based on quantifiable factors like time spent together or planned vacations, it’s time to move on.